Albums
| Al Simmons "Time Line" 1948: Born Albert William Simmons in Winnipeg Manitoba to Scottish and Romanian parents. He has a doting older sister, Betty. Young Albert practices singing and playing a maraca. A Talent he is later to perfect. 1949: Plays his first piano concert. He doesn't forget a single note.... he does forget something else. 1950: Learns to play the harmonica and practices smashing pot lids together at the same time. When he marches around the front yard the neighbours decide that he should be the drum major instead. 1952: Brother Robert is born. The family gets a pet chicken. 1953: The family gets a pet rabbit. Albert begins a long love affair with giant props. 1955: The family gets a pet skunk 1957: Gives his first concert. Standing on a table in his back yard Al plays his harmonica for his friends and gets a moderate response. He then plays Oh Susanna with his nose. His stature with the neighbourhood kids improves greatly - one of his peers is so impressed that he gives Albert a nickel. 1957-69: Albert drops out of professional show business to complete his education. 1957: Simmons family gets a TV set and Al is inspired watching the novelty acts on the Ed Sullivan Show. Gets a pet dog named bullet. 1958: Al Teaches himself to play the snare drum and bugle and leads the local kids on a parade into his back yard where he puts on a circus. 1958: Two pet hamsters. 1959: Al attaches his sister's metal wheel roller skates to the bottom of a piece of plywood with a coat hanger wire. By lying on his stomach on the board he is able to roll around the basement rec-room floor by pushing off the walls. To this day his cousin Margaret maintains that if he had only thought to stand up he would have invented the skateboard. His Mother maintains that sacrificing the brand new linoleum floor was a small price to pay to encourage his creativity. 1959-62: Al publishes a monthly family newspaper and mails it to all of his relatives. After a cataract operation the big headline in one issue is "OPERATION A SUCCESS - Grandma can see." 1960: Al's passion for dressing up in costumes is not just limited to Halloween. With his Dad's encouragement Al collects and constructs many disguises. 1961: Joins Air Cadets and meets Cpl. Fred Penner. 1962: Al discovers the great musical potential of the springy doorstopper. He becomes a closet spring doorstopper player. His research into using them as musical instruments is to continue for 30 years before he finally masters them and receives accolades from around the world. 1968: Al works as a Gas Jockey. And relentlessly practices the spring doors stopper. His father buys him a guitar and Al begins to practice. 1969: Al works as a wheel-abrader operator at Dominion Bridge and then a clerk at Manitoba Hydro. He begins entering talent contests singing, dancing and doing comedy. 1970: Al quits his job at Manitoba Hydro and joins the rock band Just Us Three. The band features Bob Peters a multi-instrumentalist who plays an organ with a home-made Leslie speaker. Bob constructed it in one afternoon using a record player turntable, bicycle gear changing cable, a cottage cheese container and a red plastic stadium horn. Al begins a long love affair with gadgets. 1971: Al forms his own comedy rock and roll band Out To Lunch. Besides playing cowbell and singing heavy rock music Al plays washboard and, uses props and costumes and a microphone with a 100-foot cable to take his comedy into the audience. A Boy Named Sue, Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head, Admiral Halsley/Uncle Albert and other current hit songs are targets of his gentle satire. He dresses as a construction worker, mad sea captain, enraged cowboy and Hawaiian dancer. He buys a banjo, learns two chords and plays it on stage that night. 1972: Al invents The Exploding Toilet Seat and meets his future wife Barbara Freundl. 1972: On stage, during a performance, Al pushes the button to ignite The Exploding Toilet Seat... and... nothing happens. Like Wile E. Coyote - Al looks in to see what the problem is.... as he pushes the button. Word of the crazy antics of this new entertainer spreads like fallout from a surprise explosion. The band became an instant local favourite. It takes a few weeks for Al's eyebrows to grow back. Barbara wonders what she has got into. 1973:
Al forms a new comedy band "Kornstalk" and
hires old friend Fred Penner
to play lead guitar. Fred teaches Al ten new chords for the banjo. Including
diminished and augmented chords. 1976: Al marries Barbara Freundl and drops out of show business. They live in a train car %%%%in the Manitoba bush with no electricity or running water. They have two pets; a three legged dog and a black cat that can wiggle it's left or right ear on command. 1977: Bart Bourne, an eccentric junk genius, builds a wooden performance box and convinces Al to stand in it at Winnipeg's Old Market Square. Al becomes: "The Amazing, Perplexing, Sensational, Neat: Human Juke Box" (two bits a laugh.) 1979: Al invents the Upright, Bb, 4 bell, 9 valve baritone, Simbonium out of two broken trumpets, a duck call, and a baritone horn (that was run over by a truck). It will take the next few years of constant practice before Al masters his ambitious goal - playing the 1812 Overture SOLO. 1980: Al runs for political office for the Rhino Party. He tells the electorate: "Higher taxes? Higher unemployment? Higher inflation? Hire Me?" If elected he promises: "To create a cartel of the worlds snow producing countries, call it 'Snow-pec', and export snow to cool down the Middle East conflict. " He proposed the construction of 7-foot high tables for the House of Commons so that more business could be done underneath them." He compares his political career to a little known fact about the Planet Earth - "We were both flattened at the poles." Al lends his voice to Bob Dog and other animated characters in Brad Caslor's NFB animation Bob Dog Gets A Job. 1981: Barbara gives birth to their first son Karl. Al and Barb co-star in a CTV series All For Fun. The show runs for two years - 36 episodes. Barb nurses baby Karl in the newsroom between takes. Al meets fellow vaudevillian Tomas Kubinek (inspiration and co-writer of The Lonely Moose Lament) 1982: Al performs on Sesame Street. 1983:
Al invents Distant Early Warning Jogging Shoes. To be worn in conjunction
with quilted wings and
Goose Decoy hat. 1984: In his prairie laboratory Al invents the horse-cycle. Half horse and half bicycle, named Ol' Spoke. Barbara gives birth to another baby boy, named William. Al is now a Pa De Deux. 1985: Al stars in a Winnipeg Film Group short, directed by Sheldon Oberman, about his Horse-cycle Ol' Spoke He invents the porta-bath. A bathtub that he wears around his waist so he can bathe while walking around. It comes equipped with a working shower and a ukulele scrub brush. 1986: Al develops "A One Man Cast of Thousands" and performs 2 shows a day 6 days a week for 7 months at Expo `86 in Vancouver B.C 1987: Al signs a deal to record an album with Oak Street Music. Al perfects the springy doorstopper piano. 1988: Barbara gives birth to their third child Bradley. Another boy, "Boy, oh boy, oh boy." Al performs the 1812 Overture Solo with the Winnipeg Symphony. On his Upright, Bb, 4 bell, 9 valve, baritone Simbonium. Al tours to Hong Kong and Australia. 1989: Al invents the Parisian Cafe in a suitcase. Touring takes Al to San Diego and Singapore. 1990: Begins collaborating with producer Ken Whiteley to record an album. 1990: During one of the worst mosquito infestations in Manitoba history an ever-curious Al begins a study of the insects. 1991: Touring takes Al from Iqaluit NWT to Hong Kong. During a summer camping holiday with his family Al notices his son Bradley's passion for rocks and pens the lyrics to I Collect Rocks "I pick up every rock I find, to me a gravel road is a gold mine." 1992: Al works with director Susan Cox and premiers his one man show "Victim of Vaudeville." -Oak Street Music releases his first album: Something's Fishy at Camp Wiganishie. It is nominated for a Juno Award. 1992: Discovers and tames the smoking smoked salmon fish and the dangerous Pyro-piranha 1993: Al makes his debut as a saw player for the Manitoba Chamber Orchestra. Simmons family adopts the runt of a litter of kittens. She turns out to be a virtuoso pianist. Tours Chicago, New York and St. Louis 1994: Touring to Oklahoma City, Yellowknife, Philadelphia and Los Angeles. Al is attempts to market his `Skeeter Vac'. A shop vacuum with the sent of human breath on the nozzle 1995: Al's second album: Celery Stalks At Midnight is released. Featuring a song detailing the life cycle of a mosquito. He travels to Prince George B.C. and views the legendary statue of Mr. P. G. He begins writing the song of the same name on the tour bus back to his hotel. 1996:
Al wins the Juno for "Celery Stalks..." he is forced to keep his "If I win a Juno I will..." promises
for example: 275
stalks of celery in 7 1/2 minutes breaking the all time
world record of 212 stalks in 10 minutes. 1997: Oak Street Music releases Al’s third album "The Truck I Bought From Moe" In collaboration with composer in residence Randolph Peters, Al writes the libretto for the opera Il Pollo Diavollo (A 2 act opera in 10 Minutes Including Intermission) and premiers it at the Winnipeg Symphony's New Music Festival. Tracy Dahl is featured as `The Soprano' and trombone player John Helmer portrays 'The Lamp.' "Only Alphonso knew of the fate that could befall him, for he was the victim of an evil curse, cast years ago, by a demonic Kentucky Colonel." Al becomes a published author as Long Street Press and White Cap Books Canada releases a hard cover edition of Counting Feathers. Illustrated by Brian Floca. 1998: "The Truck I Bought From Moe" is nominated for a Juno. 1999: Al invents the twirling ping-pong ball helmet and begins a two year search for an alunminum kitchen pot in a size 7 3/8. 2000:
Al becomes the only person in the world to be seriously affected by
the Y2K Bug on New Years Eve, when he accidentally knocks over his computer while bringing in the new linoleum. 2005:
Al takes a bite out of the competition and wins the World Championship Zucchini
Race at the Creston Valley BC Fall Fair. He releases his first DVD "I Collect Rocks." 2006: Al spends a full year trying to figure out what he has done with his life. He can't, but he puts together a Time Line. |
